Random Thoughts and Works in Progress

• The Segway Lords
• Satan’s Flirts
• The Log Cabin Crips
• Hell’s Shoppers On Choppers
• 12 Guys Named Bryce

Can I count on you? Will you be there when the chips are down?  Do you have my back? It’s important that you have my back.  Except on those very rare occasions when I turn and ask you for change for a parking meter or a vending machine or maybe to borrow a breath mint. Then, for however briefly, it’s important that you have my front.  But, for the most part, I really just need to know that you have my back.

On that subject, by the way, please don’t be a wiseacre and bring along a safety razor.  Because having my back does not, under any circumstances, mean the same as shaving my back. My back hygiene is just fine thank you.  This is an important struggle and a worthy cause. The last thing I need is to face such dire odds with nothing but grim determination and some bloody little strips of toilet paper stuck to my back. So, if you don’t mind. Just concentrate on having my back.

I am counting on you and I need to know that you’re with me. That your heart is truly in it. And that you have my back.  For goodness sakes, I do hope you have my back.  So please, read this again to see if you agree with everything I’ve put forth.  Then read it just once more, this time to check for spelling errors.  Because making sure I spell stuff correctly is an integral part of having my back.  I’m sure you realize this and I’m sure you have my back.  So thank you for that.

It’s important that you understand, while I would love to say that I have your back, there’s no way that can happen anytime soon. Having your back at the same time you have my back would be counterproductive to moving this process forward.  And you certainly know that we’ll all be better off if my unique vision, complex understanding of the problem and natural leadership qualities are not relegated to the back burner while I’m diddling away the day just watching your back…or feeding your cat…or helping you move.  So I hope I can count on you having my back with no questions asked.

I know this is a lot to ask. And if, for some reason, you are unable to stand behind me and have my back, I totally understand.  However, can I still count on you for some change for the vending machine?

“The tension created by the snapping turtle confronting the fierce looking dog is dwarfed by what is obviously the deep green shadow cast by a well maintained concrete birdbath. Kudos to the gifted photographer.”

Neville Beach–Doctor of Ornithological Studies, Kebler University

“What would Andy Warhol do?  I’ll tell you what he’d do.  He would purchase a signed and numbered print of this magnificent photo to complete his impressive collection of snapping turtles coming upon snarling dogs on rural lawns.  And to make room, he would probably tear up a couple of those stiffly posed Wegmans. That’s exactly what Andy would do.”

Eponomo Douphon–Publisher WWAD Quarterly

“It’s just a good thing that Citizen Kane is not a photo. Because it could never compete with this gem. No really.”

Steve Potts–dedicated film slash photo buff

“This dramatic photo will put you on the edge of your well appointed, faux zebra, distressed beechwood, bergere styled seat. You know?  The one with the matching ottoman?”

Estelle Herkimer–Columnist, Modern Upholstery Magazine

“This is just a photograph, you say?  Yeah, right. And the Mona Lisa is just a sculpture.”

A.J. Pintell–Mailroom temp, The Louvre